A Witness to Job Search Carnage

I'm feeling a bit better after going to the doctor to get checked out physically. Apparently, my respiratory system is somewhat compromised due to chronic air-flow restriction. The situation may require sinus surgery at some point, but other medications will be tried first. I have had some relief with what they tried this week. The situation could be congenital, but it is conspicuous that a majority of my old military unit suffered severe respiratory ailments that forced a great many out on medical disability. We were collectively exposed, without proper equipment, to some nasty stuff that neither our government nor Saddam himself would own up to. The mysterious "fire" that supposedly destroyed the stacks of medical records my unit submitted upon our return to Georgia leaves the situation conveniently ambiguous. Some of my records have been whitewashed to the point that I am shown on a flight from Rota, Spain to Kuwait City then I disappear until I miraculously reappear in Rome months later in preparation for a flight back through Ireland to Hunter Army Air Field in Savannah, Georgia. According to the omniscient federal bureaucracy, I dropped off the planet for awhile despite the existence of archived CBS news footage of me behind 'Slick Willy' Clinton on a platform, an off-camera interview with Connie Chung, and a mild personal confrontation with Clinton's press secretary at the time Dee Dee Myers. This is the specific reason for my personal animosity toward the Clinton political machine. Bill was personable, but his public statements to my unit and the things he briefly said to me about our status turned out to be politically expedient lies. Hillary will function in much the same way with the remnants of this same corrupt machine. Maybe Obama can prevail, but I have my doubts it would be allowed to happen by the party hierarchy. With respect to my politically convenient disappearance from the planet, I guess I must have had access to somekind of intra-dimensional rift in the space-time continuum that allowed me to be nowhere and somewhere at the same time. In any case, my body has remained more resistant to what I was exposed to than most of my comrades, and I guess I'm obstinate enough that it takes quite a bit to kill me off. Maybe, I'm becoming too cranky to die in my old age!
On a side note: I witnessed one of Princeton's top grad students in Classics come to UCLA and try to compete for a job opening. He delivered his presentation and was summarily destroyed by a barrage of questions and attacks, some fair and some not so fair. These attacks left his argument a gutted corpse on the side of the road. I've never seen anything quite so brutal in academia. It was good to see a willingness to to tear down the vacuous pretentiousness that often comes out of the Ivy League, as confirmed by my adviser who did get his PhD from Princeton (of course - C exhibits none of the traits of Ivy corruption). However, this presentation wasn't quite as bad as what this inquisition made it out to be. The candidate was a finalist in this process and did not exude any signs of pretentiousness like what I had seen from Harvard's top-grad a couple of years ago during Oregon's hiring process in Classics. Oregon actually made a tenure offer for an inferior presentation and was turned down when the Harvard grad took a better offer. Once again, institutional repuation trumped intellectual production. The candidate I saw this week was actually better and has no chance at all. I'll be well prepared by the faculty here, but I am not looking forward to losing my secondary adviser next year while she teaches at Oxford for a year. She'll be back to help me in my third year by the time I have to face these same inquisitors, but the preparation is very oppressive. I guess I'll continue to stick to Friedrich's maxim of "that which does not kill you, makes you stronger!" - but it remains daunting. I often feel over my head. I'm off to workout while I have air flow after taking my meds. That is all!

Wiping Off the Filth of Political Participation

I still harbor bitter feelings of hypocrisy that have left me tainted due to my recent electoral participation. My sheer disgust at the electoral dynamics of this country's party system has been magnified by the staggering simplicity and intellectual vacuousness of the media coverage surrounding this circus of lies. The inherent fallacy and blind ideology of party politics is confounding. Political ideology is an abyss of falsehood, from which nothing good can emerge.
"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected."
I consider the present administration to be possibly the worst in the history of this nation (and for me it has absolutely nothing to do with Iraq), necessitating a significant change of trajectory to counteract the damage that has been done to the nation and it's position in the world. I find it disconcerting that McCain could survive and preserve his personal sense of duty and honor as a POW for six years in the Hanoi Hilton - yet he has allowed himself to be corrupted by participation in the electoral cycle of the last 8 years. He has devolved into a cranky old man who has proven willing to sacrifice his personal ideals and sense of independence on the false altar associated with the oppressive legacy of the Reagan theocracy. Six years of captivity and torture could not break the man, but political participation and proximity to this conservative heresy did : absolutely disgusting!
Hillary is completely soulless and is not even a real person, but a caricature of an actual person. My personal dialogue with Bill Clinton at least let me know he was somewhat genuine despite his slick southern style and egomaniacal tendencies. Everything about Hillary is fake - from the selective employment of her contrived southern drawl and cackling shrill laugh that hurts my ears, to her equivocating positions that constantly test the political winds. She is a complete embodiment of the 20 year scourge of polarized Washington politics - that mass of maggots that presently feed on the decaying carcass of this nation. A Bush - Clinton - Bush - Clinton dynastic progression would represent the darkest era in this nation's history, although publicly exposing the oligarchic nature behind the facade of modern democracy would be comically tragic in an entertaining way. But the masses are too stupid to know the difference anyway:
"Men are ruled, at this minute by the clock, by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern."
The other alternative being support for the cult of personality that has emerged around Obama. The optimism surrounding this development does have the potential to move the country away from the stasis brought about by twenty years of increasing polarization, but the policy issues are very vague and this type of movement is probably to dependent on the unrealistic idealism of the worthless youth of this nation. My time in classrooms leaves me pessimistic that such a lazy, spoiled, entitled, and ignorant group can affect anything. Maybe if voting happened through an X-Box, text message, or at the end of the keg-line! Modern youth are lazy and stupid - devoid of any analytical capacity, while the old are senile and cranky - blindly clinging to the nationalistic, theocratic, or progressive fallacies of a bygone age. Both groups are too easily led by the mindless soundbites and shallow political analysis of the corporate media dominated by the false gods of religious dogma, materialism, and political correctness.

Alas, such feelings are not new:

"O god of earth and altar
bow down and hear our cry
our earthly rulers falter
our people drift and die
walls of gold entomb us
the swords of songs divine
take not thy thunder from us
take away our pride"

It is with much reluctance that I announce my candidacy for benevolent tyrant to replace the corrupted facade of democracy we now live in. Your write in support is much appreciated!

Destruction and Rebirth in the Cesspool of Life

Excuse my somewhat foul mood today, but people are scum! I have cultivated the art of optimistic depression to a highly evolved level while refusing to submit in any way to the oppressiveness of this veil of tears. Sometimes I trudge forward in life simply so I can defiantly give the finger to the cesspool that is humanity. Life in urban areas tends to reinforce my disgust for people and contempt for social order as most people are a waste of oxygen. My apologies to those of you who still cling to the false gods of tolerance and goodness with respect to the human condition as a whole, the world just doesn't work that way -nor will it ever. Transformation and destruction are inevitable: visions of any form of stabilized lasting social order, whether in the form of utopian pipe-dreams or reactionary oppression, are just delusional ways for people to shoot rays of sunshine up their ass. The filth that is life in the city exemplifies this, it will only get worse as population pressure increases.
Despite my inherent rage toward society and life in general, I have learned to appreciate and enjoy the transitory good times and select people that make this confined existence tolerable. As such, I felt it necessary to comment on KFR's latest blog in this forum as opposed to his comments section in order to directly address the UO cohort in general. Sorry to hear about KFR's rent, but such is life in Cali. I know exactly how KFR feels in terms of cohort dynamics. Although, some of you probably don't realize how much had already changed by last year as things were drastically restructured in a department undergoing a form of identity crisis. It had a very different feel to it - adrift without a viable sense of direction or cohesion. Most of the newer people were incredibly lame. The nature of the admissions process was altering the target group in negative ways. KFR's cohort year, and a few fabulous individuals that followed in later years, provided a unique constellation of good times which cruel fate deemed necessary to crush in the relentless onslaught of life's waves of transformation, destruction, and misery. It has been my experience that anything good or worthwhile in life will always be either destroyed, stolen, or corrupted in the most vile and unforgiving of ways. Despite this, I stand defiant in the knowledge new opportunities for transient happiness purified in the blood of the preceding carnage will always arise. Revel in the hedonistic pleasures of life until the next wave of destruction hits, then once again struggle out of this ocean of filth to warm yourself under the rays of sun. All states are transitory!
On a side-note of pure hypocrisy, I went against my better nature and temporarily suspended my opposition toward participation in the political process in order to vote by mail in the California primary. Because the present system is still too powerful to be overthrown at this time and the level of decay has not yet reached a state that will allow me to assemble my hordes, I will temporarily allow this exception in an attempt to mitigate the level of evil perpetuated by this government. Unfortunately, this participation in such a corrupted political system has left me feeling every bit as dirty and hungover as the morning after a drunken one-night stand when you're trying to escape out the door without being trapped into a situation you know you'll regret. Have a nice day! Sorry for the magnitude of today's pessimism - it will pass.

Sleep Deprivation in the Rain

The rain has returned and I'm hoping it enhances my ability to sleep tonight. My sleep cycle has been particularly disrupted lately due to some kind of nerve irritation (hopefully temporary!) in my hip and back injuries. I have been forcing workouts to try to manipulate my knotted muscle groups, but things continue to linger in ways that detract from sleep. Even when I drift off, I don't feel rested when I wake up. Hopefully, these things will pass soon. I'm off to a departmental grad student meeting tonight with free drinks and pizza. Maybe I can kill some of the pain with drinks and sleep well tonight. I guess I should probably translate some Greek before I go, although it might look a bit more understandable after some drinks. Maybe I'll actually meet some interesting people tonight, but the dynamics in a department so large remain somewhat specialized and isolating thus far. I'm trying to get my new digital camera up and running sometime in the next few weeks, although I'm a pretty lazy photog.

A Weak Return to the Blogosphere

I apologize for my considerable hiatus from the world of blog addiction, although I doubt anybody missed my self-indulgent rantings very much. Either way, this one's a bit long due to the hiatus. It probably sucks because I have not been feeling all that well lately. I was down with some form of influenza the week after Christmas, then I was without power for a few days in Oregon as winds between 90-135 mph severely damaged the top of the house. Then the rain and snow came to further damage the back bedrooms of the house with numerous leaks - contractors still have not caught up from the widespread damage and the house is still in severe need of repair. I unwillingly returned to LA with my daughter and mother still without power, and my father working around the clock for a week to restore power throughout the valley. Things have finally settled down, but my relentless academic schedule has been made more difficult with my first Greek course in awhile, at least it is the relatively easy Herodotus. Unfortunately, I have to prepare for a very intensive history seminar on Polybius next quarter that will be conducted almost exclusively in Greek. The history professor came from a Classics tradition where the introduction to his Grad program was the "look to your left, look to your right - one of these people will fail due to an attrition rate in excess of 50%, you will not sleep, and you will wish there was 25 hours in the day due to the impossible amount of translation we will assign you, face this truth and despair, etc..." Hunched over in translation for too long remains one of the most problematic things with respect to my back injury. My current schedule requires between 3-5 times the workload expected in my prior program. The program is way better for me, but the rest of my life is not as enjoyable as what I had before. I have paid a severe physical and social price, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. I'm trying to force a workout schedule in order to try to feel better, but it remains very difficult with limited results for the valuable time invested. I think I need some Human Growth Hormone or Anabolic Steroids so I could have the energy and stamina of my testosterone driven teenage years again, but I'd probably revert back to my youthful intensity and even more excessive hostility toward society as a whole. Believe it or not, my present emotional vacuousness allows me to put forward the moderated and rosy version of my personality most of you know. Although, I did get alot more play from the female of the species when I was an intense brooding character of exceptional vitality. Now that my peculiar life has beaten most of the feeling and inherent beauty from my personage, it remains obvious emotional apathy and physical deterioration must just be too unappealing - even though I am much more amicable and sensitive for the most part. If I can spare any time, I think I'll start to resurrect my asshole persona this weekend and see how that plays out. Unfortunately, it remains hard to muster up the ambition to engage in such hedonistic pursuits as a distraction from my oppressive schedule. Any votes as to which way I should go? Alas, all things change eventually and I'll just continue to endure until I get a more balanced life to cycle back through at some point. I'll just remain focused on my time in Italy this summer!

Ensnared at Dinner by an Impromptu Jane Austen Seminar

This one's for that zealous coven of females in Eugene engaging in the secret rites of their mystery cult dedicated to all things Jane Austen. You know who you are! During a wonderful Italian dinner at my adviser's house last night, my masculine sensibilities, derived from the Roman cardinal virtues of virtus (manly excellence) and gravitas (dignity and seriousness of character), were ensnared by that most insidious of all feminist plots designed to mollify the unbridled strength of men: academic deconstruction of the gender/power dynamics found in the world portrayed by Jane Austen. The wonderful hostess for the evening was a prominent Professor in the English department who has taught graduate seminars on the subject for years. As I listened to the very astute deconstruction of the period covered by Austen, I could not help but reflect back on a couple of my intoxicated viewings of Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice in Eugene last spring. The Coven of Austen in Eugene would have been in a total state of bliss hearing this discussion over such a wonderful dinner. The entire dinner was a very good experience for me. However, with respect to Austen, I always become perturbed with the entire social/gender structure of that time. I do not consider the aristocratic men of that period to fall within my definition of actual men, they are weak figures who had allowed themselves to become trapped within a vacuous social structure that emasculated them within the same gilded cage the women fell prey to. The incessant hand-wringing and calculation exhibited by these women over such insignificant men precludes me from having any sympathy for their plight. Any truly virtuous woman would have decried all these men as impious and unworthy of either love or marriage. Out of contempt and utter disgust, I would have marshaled my hordes and purged the entire society with fire and steel. Such a mollified society could not have withstood the wrath of righteous conquest to establish a new social order. I will let my diatribe die here, so you can all rail against my lack of understanding for the nuances of the redeeming value of Austen. Have at it! Be well!

Confirmation of Italy Position Next Summer

First the good news: I received formal confirmation of my staff position at the San Martino Field School in Torano, Italy next summer. Hopefully, I can build some Italian linguistic skills over the next few months. In any case, it feels good to get moving in the right direction. My ability to secure future employment as a historian will be much improved with practical field work on my CV as many historians simply don't have it. I think I should be able to pick up a couple extra weeks in Rome at the conclusion of the excavation by linking up with a different tour conducted by a couple of my other professors. My decision to enter this program is proving very fortuitous due to the available opportunities. The benefits of my new program have surpassed the negative aspects thus far.
Now on to the bad news: the limited social interaction, high cost of living, and difficulty of living in LA. Case in point, I get involved with traffic jams within parking lots just going to the most affordable grocery store, one that is still almost twice as expensive as I am accustomed to. The crowding in stores and parking areas is so annoying that I find myself reverting back to my default disposition of despising all humanity. I tried to spend the last few years nurturing and developing the tolerant warm and fuzzy aspect of my personality. Believe it or not, my time in Eugene was about as warm and fuzzy as I get. LA is slowly starting to bring back some of the edge to my mollified spirit. I feel the need to resurrect some of my anger and intensity to recultivate a more severe demeanor to gain some personal space in public. From my perspective, one of the biggest problems in the world is crowding and overpopulation that creates considerable tension among people that do not have enough personal space and freedom of action. As people are crowded together in urban areas trying to get around within the constraints of busy schedules (enforced by deadlines, cell phones, internet connectivity, etc..), extreme tension tends to boil to the surface. Individual incidents of stupidity are magnified because of how they interfere with everyone's schedule - a person blocking traffic , holding up a line, or engaging in any other acts of stupidity raises the level of volatility and frustration of the moving masses. I am gradually being reminded of how much I have traditionally despised the inherent stupidity of the majority of humanity. My experiment in patience and tolerance is rapidly coming to an end. It is probably best I am not traveling for Thanksgiving this week due to the reports of this likely being the most frustrating travel week in the history of the world. I will miss my family on Thankgiving, as I sit imprisoned by academic requirements in my lonely room, but it is only a few weeks until I can have a month break back in the relaxing confines of my valley homestead for Xmas. I must endure till then! Be well!